In the past week, I have learned that mortal man, with his two hands, might reach into the void and draw forth that which is simultaneously gastronomically delightful and cosmically wrong, and by so doing, bring into this world something of sublime beauty, sin, and perfection–something sacrilicious.

In was in the throes of such darkling pursuits that I found myself one crisp December evening, after I had been invited to a Hebraic holiday gathering, marking the second night of Chanukkah. This aim of this party was to celebrate the noble latke–a divot from a thatched roof of potatoes, chipped into frying pan and left until crispy, typically served with apple sauce or sour cream.

In jest, I proposed to the hostess that I should prepare something highly inappropriate and porcine, and surprisingly she did not balk, but seemed rather intrigued at the prospect. So after inquiring if any more observant fellow members of the tribe in attendance might be offended by this off-color offering, whatever its incarnation, I began to ask myself exactly what bacon latkes might entail.

Clearly, making a simple potato lakte with bacon inside it would be but a refuge for the timid, and thus, I decided to use the bacon in place of the potato. To do so, I stacked several slices of thick-cut maple bacon on top of each other, and sliced them widthwise into many thin strips, reminiscent of the julienned potatoes used in the original. The choice of a thick cut, slightly lean bacon is paramount if the strips are to retain their structural integrity. Keeping the uncut bacon cold before cutting facilitates the process.

I cut about 6 strips of bacon in the fashion, and set them aside in the refrigerator.

In considering the flavors that this delightful abomination should take on, I hearkened back to a recipe for Pig Candy that I had spied online, which counterbalanced the salinity of the bacon with brown sugar and cayenne pepper. To the seasoning, I added cinnamon to lend an additional aromatic quality. I believe that cayenne pepper + brown sugar + cinnamon is one of the best triads of flavors in existence, and is one I often employ when making caramelized onions for omelets.

With the flavors nicely balanced with sweet, spicy, salty, and aromatic components, the texture needed to be improved so as to avoid the feeling of consuming a tennis ball derived from reconstituted beef jerky. To this end, I added slivers of blanched almonds to lend crunch. Also, they would caramelize nicely and turn a lovely brown when baked with the brown sugar.

As a binder, egg white and a little bit of flour were used, which I added to a large bowl with the brown sugar, almonds, and spices.

Before incorporating the bacon strips to the mix, I broiled them for about 5-10 minutes on a rack that allowed the fat to drain. This is a crucial step in the bacon latke making process, as too much fat emanating from the bacon during backing will dilute the sugar and binder to the point that nothing with adhere to each other, leaving a sad pile of bacon strips and broken dreams.

Using a spatula, I gently folded in the bacon, making sure not to break any of the strips, while completely coating the bacon and almonds in sugary spicy goodness. Then, taking a teaspoon, I placed small sliver-dollar-sized mounds of the mix on a cookie tray covered with a silicone baking mat. When making the mounds, let as much excess sugar/binder ooze come off as possible or the creation will suffer glacial calving, with bacon swept away atop saccharin floes into a vast a silicone sea.

After making a dozen or so equally spaced mounds, I placed the sheet into the oven for about 10 minutes, until all the sugar had melted and the almonds turned a beautiful golden brown. As this point, I removed the sheet from the oven, letting the weary chimeras cool to room temperature and form a protective carapace of sugar.

Using the back of a kitchen knife, I popped the latkes off of the pad and arranged them on a platter, and conveyed them directly to the party. At the gathering, which included such goodly items as sweet potato curry latkes with wasabi sour cream, I was glad to see that those observant of our ancient dietary customs found them amusing rather than offensive, and that those who were not found them delicious. I found that it takes at least two to wrap one’s head around the contrasting flavors and textures, and then about seven more to confirm the previous findings.

Thus, I share the prescription for fabrication of these beasties with you, in hopes of brightening your holiday season, whatever festivities you may celebrate:

It should be noted that this is not the first sacrilicious task that I have undertaken, as I host an annual Godzilla Burger Yom Kippur Break Fast at Eagles Deli. See you there next year!

(from HollieNewton.com via b3ta)

Hollie Newton, a woman from the UK who bills herself as a copywriter, art director, and creator of stuff, got into a heated argument with her friends one day over tea (as the British are wont to do) over the proper way to coat a scone. The debate was over whether one should first apply the jam followed by the (clotted) cream, or the cream followed by the jam.

As these fine ladies of the Empire could not come to a consensus, Hollie decided to contact the experts, and drafted the following letter to the Ritz in London:

Eventually, the Ritz actually replied saying:

Which way would you go? I agree with the Ritz as to the optimality of the jam first method, as it acts as a point of adhesion between the clotted cream and the scone, as well as keeps the cream in a nice dollop shape.

Take a look at Hollie’s original post, which includes a writeup from the Evening Standard on the whole affair, by clicking here .

If you have ever watched shows such as Cake Boss or Ace of Cakes, you will know that the key to making a professional looking cake is the use of fondant.  Fondant is essentially a dough made from sugar, glycerin, and gelatin, which can be rolled in to flat sheets.

These saccharine shrouds can be draped over cakes to lend a smooth, finished quality to them. Almost ever wedding cake that you see has a pure white fondant covering. Fondant can also be colored with food dye, and it can be sculpted and textured like clay. Thus, it has become the medium of choice of those in the pastry arts engaged in making imaginative cakes and cupcakes, as well as of culinarily inclined neuroscientists who need a break from their thesis work .

I usually only cook elaborately for special occasions, and what better reason than to pull out all the stops, than the birthday of the lady who brought me into the world. So, I set to the task of baking a birthday cake, having neither baked a cake, nor used fondant before in my life.

Step 1: Baking the Cake

After this experience, I have learned that there is almost no reason to ever make a cake from scratch. The quality of cake mixes these days is so high, that unless you’re looking to do something highly specialized, a cake mix will most likely yield a better end-product than anything you could do yourself in the same amount of time.

I hear tell that cake mixes used to be just-add-water entities, with powdered egg, etc. inside. Then the companies realized that it would seem more “home made” if you had to add the eggs and the oil, so they left the powder out for the sake of the home pastry chef’s sense of accomplishment.

I used Betty Crocker’s Super Moist French Vanilla, and in 30 minutes I had this:

Why two cakes, you may ask? Primarily, it was due to the fact that this was my maiden voyage upon the primrose pastry path, and thus I had a sneaking suspicion that my cake pan removal skills were less than masterly.

Best case scenario, I’d have a two-layer cake. Realistically–two cakes enter, one cake leaves.

Clearly I was wise in this small respect, for below is a lovely image of the first of the cakes that I attempted to remove. I was lucky enough to capture a video of my cake removal skills, which you can watch by clicking here.

The bright side of this debacle was that it enabled me to eat this felled broken beast. I was shocked that this cake was more moist, delicious, and airy than the majority of cakes I’ve had from bakeries and restaurants. I have taken a new mistress, and her name is Betty Crocker.

Actually, there was never a real Betty Crocker. The name was invented by the Washburn Crosby Company in 1921 in order to give housewives a greater connection to the brand. Betty was chosen because it sounded “All-American”, and Crocker was the last name of a company executive.

Holding tightly to the sole remaining survivor, I carefully applied a thin layer of frosting (this too may be bought) and set the cake aside in the fridge, for the real work was about to begin.

Step 2: Making the Fondant

I will begin with these words of warning: Fondant is EASY to make, yet EXTRAORDINARILY DIFFICULT to work with.

Before you begin, make sure you have lots of clear space, and that your work area is appropriately prepared for slightly messy work. For information on a setting up a proper workspace,  see Dexter seasons 1-4.

Here’s what you’ll need to do to make the fondant:

Here’s a visual walk-through of the fondant fabrication process. The first thing to do is to melt down the marshmallows. Using marshmallows is an easy way of getting the gelatin and glycerin base that you need for the fondant without resorting wild acts of chemistry.

Cut the marshmallows in half and put in a microwaveable bowl. If you can get mini-marshmallows, than you don’t need to do this.

Now place your crucible in the forge (nuke your marshmallows on high) for a good 30 second blast, and stir with a wooden or plastic spoon that has been coated with crisco or an equivalent grease. The grease is 100% necessary if you ever wish to retrieve your spoon back from the bowl.

Continue using 30 second blasts and stirring until you have the constancy of a thick Fluff. “But can’t I just start with Fluff?” you may ask. The answer is unfortunately no, as Fluff lacks gelatin and would not work.

Now comes the messy messy messy part. Add about a quarter of a bag of confectionery sugar to your melted mixture and slowly fold in with a greased spoon. When the mixture cools, you can crisco up your hands and start working it in manually, which is a lot more efficient, and a lot more fun!

Keep slowly incorporating more and more confectionery sugar, about 1.5 lbs, until it reaches a dough-like state, as shown below.

N.B. CONFECTIONERY SUGAR WILL GET EVERYWHERE. My suggestion is to do this whilst wearing a Level A Hazmat suit in a shack that you can burn after you’ve completed the job. Also, during this stage, pray that no cops happen to walk by, as most assuredly your kitchen will look like a scene from downtown Medellin.

Please additionally note, that if ever you felt like doing a good Tony Montana impression, this would be the time.

Step 3: Decorating the Cake

White fondant is boring, that is, unless you’re getting married, in which case it is really boring. To remedy this, add a couple of drops of food coloring to the fondant, and knead for about 5-10 years until the color is worked through. Color doesn’t spread easily throughout fondant, so you’ll need to work it and work it until you get an even hue throughout.

I used about half of my fondant for the main cake covering, and colored it green.

N.B.  Food coloring will stay on your hands for quite some time, so use latex/nitrile gloves to work in the color. Don’t ask me how I know this. I just do. You can get cheap gloves at CVS. I use them to work with raw chicken, etc.

Now comes the hard part. As I said before, fondant is no walk in the park to work with. If the fondant gets too dry, it becomes brittle and doesn’t flow smoothly. If it gets too wet, then it will be like working with a ball of epoxy and you will never get it off of your hands or your workspace.

To make it wetter, add just a few drops of water. To make it more dry, add confectionery sugar.

To make a sheet of fondant, coat your workspace LIBERALLY with confectionery sugar. When you think you have enough on the table, double that amount and you’ll be ready to go. When you roll out fondant it gets hotter and sticker and ends up adhering to the table. If you don’t have copious amounts of sugar on the table, it will never come off. If I had a silpad, I would work on that.

Once you have a sheet rolled out, use a spatula or similar implement to unstick your fondant from the table. Bring your frosted cake to your workspace, sacrifice a few fatted calves to the gods, and do your best to smoothly drape it over the cake.

You can use a wine bottle to gently roll out the air bubbles, making sure the cake is covered all around. Then take a sharp knife coated in confectionery sugar to keep from sticking, and cut off the excess, which you can save and freeze.

Most likely the edges will not be perfect, so I made a different color fondant, which I rolled into a long snake and draped around the edges. In order to attach fondant to fondant, dip your finger in water and moisten the area of adhesion.

Finally, I added some artistic touches. The letters and flowers I made by rolling out the purple fondant and cutting out the shapes I needed with an xacto knife. Cutting out shapes isn’t easy because the knife gets stuck and will stretch the fondant. So make short, quick cuts, and coat the knife in confectionery sugar.

So there you have it. A semi-professional looking cake, which was a hell of a lot of fun to make. Working with fondant is far more an art than a science, and requires lots of experience to do well. I look forward to continuing the learning process, and eating the many steps and missteps along the way.

(via boingboing)

This amazing pancake stacking robot is able to use a visual system to track pancakes on a conveyor belt, pick them up, and stack them on top of each other on yet another moving conveyor belt. This is a great piece of engineering and computer science, and as someone who used to work in the field, I’m pretty impressed. Especially by the ability to pick out overlapping pancakes.

The speed of this robot is very impressive. I initially thought that they had sped up the footage, until it said that the entire system could stack up to 400 pancakes per minute. So that means each of the four robots is stacking ~1.7 pancakes a second.

I’m a regular at the Morton’s Power Hour. From 5PM to close every weekday, Morton’s offers cheap, delicious food at their bar. I usually go with a bunch of friends, and for 5 dollars a plate, we always leave fully satiated for not much cash.

Besides their amazing prime beef sliders (which may be among the best burgers in the city), one of my favorite things to get during the Morton’s Power Hour is the crab cakes. They are soft, flavorful, and full of lots and lots of crab. I was fortunate enough to get the recipe from Morton’s and now can share it with you.

Morton’s now has a cookbook coming out called Morton’s: The Cookbook, and you can find more recipes and pictures from the book on their website:
http://www.mortons.com/cookbook/